Untitled
by tygerszark
Summary: Yamachi/Yamaken first time fic. Point of View from someone who had it all and threw it away....


First time fic. Im devirginising my self in this aspect of life. This one's melodramatic and very unprofessional. Nothing like letting the imagination loose while slacking for an exam hey?  
  
YamaChi/ YamaKen you say? yup. I'm a Yama-seme supporter. A man that good looking doesn't deserve to be on his hands and knees. I have Davis and all other 02 and 01 people unmentioned here, except for Koushirou, he's ok i suppose.  
  
anyway, this may be my first and last. i dont really give a rat's bollocks for anyone who disagrees with me. and taiora, sorato, michi, yamachi fans can just BITE ME.  
  
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Untitled  
by:tygerszark  
  
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Taichi baka.  
  
  
I've always hated hearing that, I always thought that although I may be headstrong sometimes, I do possess some intelligence.  
  
  
But no, I was wrong and he was, no he IS right.  
  
  
There he is, the object of everyone's fantasies, the breaker of hearts for both guys and girls alike. Mr. Rockstar. The untouchable Yamato, too cool for everyone, acts like an ice prince most of the time, doesn't bother smiling or acknowledging anyone...anyone except for *him*.  
  
  
Yama-kun, oh sorry *YamaTO kun* only smiles for *him*. *He's* the only one that Yamato is friendly to, the only person those blue shards of ice he calls his eyes softens for. Its obvious, he doesn't even try to hide it. Yama is in love with *him*.  
  
  
Oh I know *he* deserves it, after his initial disastrous introduction into the Digi-Destined team and his tragic background, *he* deserves some companionship, some one to trust him, someone affectionate to him. Besides, its not really that hard to fall in love with *him* since *he* is quite a catch - silky blue hair, amazing eyes, body toned by playing countless hours of football AND has the bloody brain to go with it. *He* could have anyone, in fact, I think Daisuke has quite a crush on him. But I don't care about that, what makes me ill is that YAMATO is in love with *him* and *he* loves Yamato back. They're happy, in BLOODY Cloud-fucking-nine every time they're TOGETHER.   
  
  
How do I know this? Simple. I've become a voyeur, living vicariously through *him*. Imagining myself in *his* shoes, being in Yamato's arms, feeling those lips on mine giving me mind shattering kisses, drowning myself in the love in those hypnotic blue eyes.  
  
  
*He*, Ken, Mr.I'm-smart-goodlooking-and-Yamato-loves-me Ken Ichijouji has seen me watching he and Yama together. He smirks at me, he doesn't know, Yama must have *forgotten* to tell him. But recently, I think he's beginning to realise, the way Matt stares at me with contempt, the lack of explanation as to how Matt and I stopped talking after being best friends for a long time... Ken knows but is not sure.  
  
  
Oh, yes Mr. Genius, Yamato loved me once, in fact, what you have is only a shadow of what he offered to me. Unlike you, there were no secrets between Yama and I, and without a doubt it would have been the same if we progressed into something more. He would have given me the world had I asked him for it.  
  
  
But as I said before, you're the genius. You were obviously gifted with common sense as well because you were not fool enough to refuse him.  
  
  
I can still remember how breath taking he looked that night he pledged his love for me and asked mine in return. The innocent hope and raw emotion- the love, that was visible in his usually blockaded eyes. I etched that moment in my memory. But again, as I confessed to before, Taichi baka. I knew I wanted him, but it was such a gratifying feeling that someone as good looking as he was, was after me and I let it bloat my ego. I was quite a heartthrob at school and I wanted to know what other options were open to me - I thought he would always be there after I've satisfied my curiosity. But I was wrong... oh and how I suffer for it now.  
  
  
That night, after I gave him my answer, I saw the love shatter and watched as disbelief washed over the fine, beautiful features, then anger, and then something that bordered on ripping sanity from him. He had turned and fled, but not before casting a look back at me, a bolt of pure hate and betrayal, with only the wild tears streaming down his face to tell of the anguish behind it.  
  
  
Then, there was nothing.  
  
  
I knew then and there that I had lost him in all ways and he will never ever forgive me. In the months after that, the loneliness, guilt and overwhelming emptiness that had settled upon me as he left had made me realise that I did indeed love him. In the same capacity that he loved me- but it was too late. By then, *YOU* were there. Oh we all knew that you and he had become close after the whole Kaiser thing. But the look I saw on Yamato's face that day after his band practice, the joy that I thought had left him forever due to my stupidity, resurfaced and cleared the perpetual darkness that surrounded him, after you whispered something in his ear told me that whatever chance I convinced myself I had, was gone. He was forever lost to me, because he had you.   
  
  
Yamato is *alive* again, not merely existing, as though you are what he needs to live, that you ARE his life. And as much as it kills me, I know its true. You, Ken, Yamato would live for, but more importantly, one he would LIVE for, despite his burdens. He loves you too much to leave you alone.  
  
  
So now what?  
  
  
What do I do? How do I cope, knowing that I threw away what could have been my first, last and best relationship? How can I stand seeing my beloved Yamato kissing and hugging and being uncharacteristically affectionate IN PUBLIC with another? How can I bear all the sighs and the 'awws' and the general consensus that you and he are perfect together and how you've had such a profound effect on Yamato?  
  
  
I don't know. Maybe once I get over my jealousy and self-flagellation, I can finally gather some common sense and put my courage to good use and end my suffering. Yama doesn't need me, he probably forgot I existed, because our history is *nothing* compared to your present.   
  
  
I wished to the heavens that I wasn't. But I can't change what I am, its too late now and so I have to say I finally and whole-heartedly agree with Yamato...  
  
  
Taichi baka.  
  
  
-End-  



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